Fasting

In anticipation of the beginning of Lent next week I thought these words from St. Nikolai Velimirovic in Prayers By The Lake (also available on the web at http://www.sv-luka.org/praylake/) might be a helpful meditation as we enter the fast.  

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Chapter 41

With fasting I gladden my hope in You, my Lord, Who are to come again.

Fasting hastens my preparation for Your coming, the sole expectation of my days and nights.

Fasting makes my body thinner, so that what remains can more easily shine with the spirit.

While waiting for You, I wish neither to nourish myself with blood nor to take life--so that the animals may sense the joy of my expectation.

But truly, abstaining from food will not save me. Even if I were to eat only the sand from the lake, You would not come to me, unless the fasting penetrated deeper into my soul.

I have come to know through my prayer, that bodily fasting is more a symbol of true fasting, very beneficial for someone who has only just begun to hope in You, and nevertheless very difficult for someone who merely practices it.

Therefore I have brought fasting into my soul to purge her of many impudent fiance's and to prepare her for You like a virgin.

And I have brought fasting into my mind, to expel from it all daydreams about worldly matters and to demolish all the air castles, fabricated from those daydreams.

I have brought fasting into my mind, so that it might jettison the world and prepare to receive Your Wisdom.

And I have brought fasting into my heart, so that by means of it my heart might quell all passions and worldly selfishness.

I have brought fasting into my heart, so that heavenly peace might ineffably reign over my heart, when Your stormy Spirit encounters it.

I prescribe fasting for my tongue, to break itself of the habit of idle chatter and to speak reservedly only those words that clear the way for You to come.

And I have imposed fasting on my worries so that it may blow them all away before itself like the wind that blows away the mist, lest they stand like dense fog between me and You, and lest they turn my gaze back to the world.

And fasting has brought into my soul tranquility in the face of uncreated and created realms, and humility towards men and creatures. And it has instilled in me courage, the likes of which I never knew when I was armed with every sort of worldly weapon.

What was my hope before I began to fast except merely another story told by others, which passed from mouth to mouth?

The story told by others about salvation through prayer and fasting became my own.

False fasting accompanies false hope, just as no fasting accompanies hopelessness.

But just as a wheel follows behind a wheel, so true fasting follows true hope.

Help me to fast joyfully and to hope joyously, for You, my Most Joyful Feast, are drawing near to me with Your radiant smile.

The Pharisee

A while back, I attended the feast day for a monastery that is nearby. A friend of mine was asked to help with cleaning the temple after the service. He was more than willing to help, but he thought he’d join the rest of the visitors in the trapeza for the meal first. Before he had a chance to take his first bite of food, one of the monks came up behind him and asked him what he was doing. Innocently, he said he was preparing to eat. The monk, who was also a good friend of his, put his hand on my friend's shoulder and jokingly asked, “Here I am working and you’re sitting and eating?  What, do you think you’re better than me?” My friend apologized, got up, and helped clean the temple.

I laughed when I first heard this story. My friend is a good guy and willing to help anyone with just about anything, so the idea that he intentionally didn’t want to help the monks was laughable. But what stuck with me was what the monk said to him, “What, do you think you’re better than me?” It was a question that no one had ever asked me before, nor was it one that I had asked myself. Do I think I’m better than the guy next to me? What about a drunk, homeless pedophile that I might meet on the street? What about the corrupt politician, the radical religious nut, the promiscuous neighbor, or the lazy co-worker?  Am I better than him?

If such a drunk, homeless pedophile were to ever walk up to me on the street and ask me that same question, I would probably say “No, of course I don’t think I’m better than you.” And why would I ever say that I thought I was better than him? I’m a Christian and all Christians are supposed to be humble. We follow the path of our Master, the One who was willing to make a quiet entrance into His creation, surrounded by animals in a small town. This is the same Man who willingly allowed Himself to be beaten, bruised, and humiliated by the very hands that He created. Who am I to ever think that I’m better than anyone else?

The sad fact is that I think I’m better than you. I think I’m more correct, more honest, more virtuous, more of everything good and that “I’d never do a horrible thing like that.” I often prop myself up on a tiny house of cards so that I can stand just a little bit higher than my neighbor. I would never admit this fact, because I’m too proud to admit how proud I actually am. What, do I think I’m better than you? Yes, I actually do.

The fact of the matter is that all humans are capable of committing the most heinous, evil acts imaginable. And at the same time, we are also capable of the most beautiful and inspiring acts of Godliness. I’m in the same boat as everyone else: I’m made of the same stuff and I have the same disease. I’m one step away from being a murderer or worse. Actually, I am a murderer for “Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.” (1 John 3:15). If this is the case, I’ve murdered a lot of people on the way to and from work.

And in a lot of ways I am worse than many of “those people.” I have problems that I refuse to see. I use other people’s sins as makeup to hide my own boils, cuts, and bruises. I’m sick but I don’t see it, I’m dying but I’m convinced I’m immortal. I am my own healer and my own physician, I am a blind man who thinks he leads himself into all holiness (Luke 6:39). In my own hubris, I leave no room for the actual Healer because I’m already on the job. Who needs the Physician of our souls and bodies when I can just pretend that I’m fine? Why would a healthy man like myself ever seek the One who can heal all illness?

The fact of the matter is that I am the only sinner on this planet. I may think I’m better than you, but I am not. Not only am I not better than you, but I’ve deluded myself into thinking I am something I am not. On the Sunday when we remember the parable of the Publican and the Pharisee, know that I’m that arrogant bastard who stands in the presence of the only Good One and thinks about how great is he is compared to others. Meanwhile, those who I condemn lay broken on the ground, weeping for their sins, and quietly entering the Kingdom of Heaven.

As You Wish

It is well known that obedience is the chief among the initiatory virtues, for first it displaces presumption and then it engenders humility within us. Thus it becomes, for those who willingly embrace it, a door leading to the love of God. 

    - St. Diadochos of Photiki, "On Spiritual knowledge" 41 in Philokalia vo.l 1 p. 265

My wife's family has a collection of canonical family films.  That is, there are certain movies, that if you wish to really be a part of the family you will not only watch but grow to love over time as you begin to share in the family's rehearsal of certain lines from these movies at appropriate times.  Sleepless in Seattle, Joe Versus the Volcano, and While You Were Sleeping, to name a few. The one that has, at least for my wife and me, become the most often quoted is The Princess Bride.  If you have not seen this movie, stop reading now and go find it on Netflix, Amazon, or your local library and watch it. Then come back and read the rest of this post.

Done?  Good, now we can continue.

One of the recurring lines in this movie, spoken by our daring hero, Wesley the farm boy, to the somewhat entitled Buttercup is the simple reply, "As you wish."  Never a question as to the wisdom or necessity of some task he has been commanded to do, just a gentle, loving response, "As you wish."  It is the phrase that so marked his character that it is by this phrase Buttercup recognizes him later in the film when Wesley, now the masked Dread Pirate Roberts, has "kidnapped" her in order to save her from an unhappy marriage and certain death.

Perhaps a more sublime example of what I am driving at in this post comes from Mary, the Theotokos, Mother of God. When the angel visited her to announce that she would bear the Savior of the world and explained that she would be overshadowed by the Holy Spirit and bear a Son, her simple reply was "let it be to me according to your word." Perhaps she could have just said, "As you wish."

Simple obedience, as St. Diadochos says, if embraced willingly is "a door leading to the love of God."  But what does obedience entail?  How do we cultivate a willingness to be obedient and to whom should we be obedient? Consider with me three spheres of obedience;  Three opportunities to say, "As you wish."

Obedience to the commands of Christ
I don't think many of us would balk at the idea of obedience to Christ.  Certainly the scriptures leave no doubt as to the necessity and benefit of following Christ's commands if we are to progress on the spiritual path.  In fact, returning again to the Theotokos and her place of honor among the saints, we should be struck by this statement of Christ in the 11th chapter of the Gospel of Luke,

27 And it happened, as He spoke these things, that a certain woman from the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, “Blessed is the womb that bore You, and the breasts which nursed You!”
28 But He said, “More than that, blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!”

More than that?! How shall we be more blessed than to bear the savior of the world?  Hear the Word of God and say, "As you wish."

Obedience to rules of the Church
The weekly and seasonal fasts, the weekly cycle of services, and daily prayer rules given to us by the Church are there also for our benefit.  It is not that we gain any special favor or merit with God by doing these things. Rather it is that these are the gym exercises for obedience to Christ.  Because as much as we may think we want to be a "doer of the word," as St. James exhorts us, we find all to often that our desires and will betray us.  If we cannot control our stomach then it will betray us when we are commanded to give bread to the hungry.  If we cannot control our greed then it also betrays us when we are commanded to give clothes to the naked. So we exercise our will in fasting, prostrations, prayer, tithes, whether we *feel* like it or not, so as to put the unruly desires of our passions to flight.  The marathon runner has freedom to run 26.2 miles because she painstakingly disciplined herself to run shorter distances everyday for months on end. Without the practice, no matter how much a person may think they want to run a marathon, they are not free to do so because their bodies have not been given the proper training. They will be betrayed by their body's weakness. So obedience to these things, like daily laps around the track, are of great help to us as we seek to be obedient also to the commands of Christ. Like Paul, we must be willing to discipline our bodies so that we are free to respond, "As you wish."

Obedience in everyday life
Once again I find Tito Colliander's words on this topic in Way of the Ascetics to be quite insightful. Allow me to quote at length.

Besides fasting we have other teachers to whom we can show obedience. They meet us at every step in our daily life, if only we recognize their voices. Your wife wants you to take your raincoat with you: do as she wishes, to practice obedience. Your fellow-worker asks you to walk with her a little way: go with her to practice obedience. Wordlessly the infant asks for care and companionship: do as it wishes as far as you can, and thus practice obedience. A novice in a cloister could not find more opportunity for obedience than you in your own home. And likewise at your job and in your dealings with your neighbor.  (p.44) 

If we pay attention we will have a hundred opportunities a day to deny our own self-will in order to serve another.  With each request of our time, resources and attention if we can learn to respond simply with, "As you wish," then we will begin slowly to be set free.  And in that freedom we will be transformed and be filled with the love of God.

O Lord, who humbled Yourself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross, grant us grace that we might be able to respond, "As you wish," at every opportunity so that we may learn to love as you have loved us.